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Kirman, Shaye, Why do People Really Watch Basketball?


Shaye Kirman
Age: 14, Grade: 8

School Name: Trinity School, New York, NY
Educator: Daniel Alford

Category: Humor

Why do People Really Watch Basketball?

     Jumping onto my couch that is situated precisely ten feet in front of my TV has been something I have done my whole life… okay, since I could jump. All I do when I lie there on the couch that is the same distance from the TV as a basketball hoop is from the floor and eat potato chips that will probably give me a heart attack in the next couple of years is, you guessed it, watch basketball. Yep, I love basketball and everything about it. Well, except for the fact that Lebron James is on the Lakers and that the Knicks suck (I don’t think they have been good while I have been alive). But that’s not the point.
     I have been a basketball fan for as long as I can remember, and I even have a memory of going to a game with my dad when I was six years old. It was probably the weirdest connection I had ever made in my life, but I thought it was so cool that my age was the same as Bill Russell’s number. Yeah, he was the only player that I knew of who was not currently playing in the NBA (other than the GOAT, Michael Jordan, but everyone knows who he is). 
     While my dad and I were patiently sitting in our section 198 seats waiting for the game to commence, a thought struck me. 
     “Why?” I asked my dad, who was proudly wearing a Knicks jersey.
     “Why what, sweety?” my dad responded in that high pitch, supposedly calming voice that all parents are trained to do. 
     “Why are we here?” My dad just sat there. No response. I think it was the most unexpected question a six year old child ever asked, considering most kids go crazy when they get to go to a sports game. “Why do people really watch basketball? My friends always say that it’s because it is exciting, but I am not that excited right now.”
     My dad still sat there, contemplating the question with a confused look on his face.
Now my dad was a funny guy, so he eventually gave me an answer that went something like this…

  1. The NFL and NHL are way too violent for other family members to even be in the house when the TV is on.
  2. nOone wonts two doo there werk, esspecialy speling
  3. They can “stress-eat” snacks without getting yelled at.
  4. People need a way to live out their crushed childhood dreams.
  5. I mean, people need a way to cry while watching other people live out their crushed childhood dreams.
  6. Everyone loves to watch the same car commercial every 10 seconds.
  8. Did I mention that everyone loves to watch the same car commercial every 10 seconds?
  9. It gives Jets fans someone to cheer for during the offseason… and during the season.
  10. It also gives that same pleasure to those poor Cincinnati Bengals fans.
  11. As we learned from Gordon Hayward’s terrifyingly gruesome injury a few seasons ago, when family is in the house, people can practically watch football… and hockey.
  12. b a s e b a l l  i s j u s t b o o o o r i n g